I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
