she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
