Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
