Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
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To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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