party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
