I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
