The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
