she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
