Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This is my gift to your gina
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
