this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
