no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
