You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
