I puked a lego.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
