Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
