he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
