I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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