I'm gonna have a badass scar
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize