barbara walters just said penis...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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