Pants 0. Shit 1.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
