Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
