When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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