dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
