STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sext me about skeletons
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
