No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
