also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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