life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
