tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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