The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
