That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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