pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
