I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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