He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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