Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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