Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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