Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
