Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You pole danced in your parka.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
