I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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