I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
