even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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