tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
