i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
