So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
