Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
