I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
