i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
