You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
