Your mouth is God's brothel.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
