Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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