mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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