i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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