She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
they're like a gay fantastic four
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
