How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
