If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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