ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
