Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
