this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
