I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
