he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
