while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Congratulations! We have a period
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
