Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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