be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
