He is such a slut. More and more my type.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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