Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
