I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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