Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize