Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
