Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
