i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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