some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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