Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
no you cant smoke seaweed
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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