I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm at about main and main street
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
