there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
