I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
